Celebrating 10 years! 2007-2017

Anxiety.

I get debilitating anxiety in social situations. i can speak legalbeagle08/22/17
I envy you greatly. I have such debilitating anxiety I can't notreallyalawyer08/22/17
"i tell myself to man up already" ---- This ain't help triplesix08/22/17
Small talk gives me anxiety, too. You have less trouble i thedarkscrivener08/22/17
"You have less trouble in the situations you mentioned becau legalbeagle08/25/17
Get a government job karlmarx08/22/17
Therapy can be immensely helpful. I would try it for a few m guyingorillasuit08/22/17
You likely have to report personal recreational use of sched sanka08/22/17
You need to practice. Social anxiety can be overcome but it thirdtierlaw08/22/17
There are social anxiety counselors, you can do group sessio notreallyalawyer08/22/17
legalbeagle (Aug 22, 2017 - 2:51 pm)

I get debilitating anxiety in social situations. i can speak to my supervising attorneys just fine when it comes to work. i can speak to my adversary and make my arguments in Court. But i can not for the life of me socialize with anyone. It makes me sweat just thinking about making small talk with a partner. i feel like it's affecting how everyone sees me a work; like a hermit crab. it's so frustrating and i tell myself to man up already. i am an adult for goodness sakes.

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notreallyalawyer (Aug 22, 2017 - 3:05 pm)

I envy you greatly. I have such debilitating anxiety I can't interview to save my life, nor can I talk about complex subjects (law) with people especially in positions of power over me.. I'm pretty bad at socialization too, though not as bad, but it's honestly not as important for me, as my livelihood doesn't depend on it.. I wish I had your abilities. I can't get a job to save my life.

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triplesix (Aug 22, 2017 - 3:06 pm)

"i tell myself to man up already"

----

This ain't helping. Getting the Meetup app and go to events on topics that you get excited about.

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thedarkscrivener (Aug 22, 2017 - 3:19 pm)

Small talk gives me anxiety, too.

You have less trouble in the situations you mentioned because you already have planned what you're going to say. Approach small talk the same way. Make a list of things you can say when you're in those situations. It may seem stilted, but in reality there's only a small "approved" list of small talk topics:

sports
weekend plans
evening plans
family/kids (no drama)
vacation plans
television/movies (this is a maybe and can be risky)

People expect you to ask questions/talk about those things. And here's the trick: when they tell you about them, pretend like you care, even if you don't. I hate sports and like geeky pop culture things, but I can smile and nod when someone makes a sports comment about some football player I've never heard of, and I just don't talk about the movies and TV shows I like. I tend to talk about my kids a lot. Practice, and it will eventually get easier.

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legalbeagle (Aug 25, 2017 - 10:42 am)

"You have less trouble in the situations you mentioned because you already have planned what you're going to say. "

exactly. sometimes when someone walks into my office to chat i fumble over my words or don't say exactly what i wanted to.

to enter the kitchen at work during lunch takes so much out of me. i just end up eating in my office and if asked i just say i had too much work to do. but its been months now and im sure everyone think im stuck up or something.

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karlmarx (Aug 22, 2017 - 3:20 pm)

Get a government job

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guyingorillasuit (Aug 22, 2017 - 3:36 pm)

Therapy can be immensely helpful. I would try it for a few months.

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sanka (Aug 22, 2017 - 3:36 pm)

You likely have to report personal recreational use of scheduled drugs. Your Silicon Valley clients don't have to report their use.

https://www.ft.com/content/0a5a4404-7c8e-11e7-ab01-a13271d1ee9c

On LSD, she is able to concentrate when developing company strategy, speed through user design sessions and sparkles making new contacts.

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thirdtierlaw (Aug 22, 2017 - 4:30 pm)

You need to practice. Social anxiety can be overcome but it isn't easy. Going to meet-up events is a great place to start. It'll feel like torture but go with goals, i.e. I'm going to find out of 3 different people grew up in "x state." Expand your goals as you go to more meetings. I'll learn 4 facts about 5 different people at the meeting.

Having goals forces you to talk to people, if not you'll just stand along the wall and be quiet. I cannot think of a faster way to overcome social anxiety than by exposure therapy.

You get the feel of it where the stakes are minimal. If you somehow crash and burn, really what is the worst that can happen?, you just don't go back to that group. If you do that enough, it'll make work place interactions easier. At work, you have at least one guaranteed shared interest.

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notreallyalawyer (Aug 22, 2017 - 4:44 pm)

There are social anxiety counselors, you can do group sessions or individual. It didn't help me, but it does help others.

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