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How to not take mean comments from a boss personally...

Please give pointers. some days I'm a great attorney other d legalbeagle05/31/18
What, specifically, did your boss say that was mean? finklebots05/31/18
nothing specific. just being very dismissive when I was talk legalbeagle06/04/18
I feel you legalbeagle, definitely been there. You do get t floridalawa05/31/18
I just ignore him. If I have to talk to him, I try to send h fettywap05/31/18
"Mean" comments? If you screwed up or don't know somethin superttthero05/31/18
Like superT said, if you're getting called out on screw-ups, wutwutwut05/31/18
If you messed up, take your L and get better. If it's jus isthisit05/31/18
i didn't mess up...I was just discussing something with the legalbeagle06/04/18
The fact that you consider it a reasonable possibility they' thedarkscrivener06/04/18
legalbeagle (May 31, 2018 - 11:48 am)

Please give pointers. some days I'm a great attorney other days I get the cold shoulder or a look like I'm an idiot. will I just grow thicker skin with time?

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finklebots (May 31, 2018 - 12:12 pm)

What, specifically, did your boss say that was mean?

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legalbeagle (Jun 4, 2018 - 1:36 pm)

nothing specific. just being very dismissive when I was talking to them about a case. I had a sense it had nothing to do with the case and discussion itself. I was off that Monday so I took it as they were upset about my "day off" and was just annoyed with me. or it could have had nothing to do with me and they were just in a pissy mood. I just don't like the mind games.

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floridalawa (May 31, 2018 - 7:52 pm)

I feel you legalbeagle, definitely been there. You do get thicker skin with time. It also helps when you have coworkers experiencing the same treatment, so you realize you're not alone and don't take it as personally. It is a valuable learning experience in dealing with difficult personalities, and in learning to tell the difference between valid, constructive criticism vs. unjust criticism by mercurial bosses. When it's the latter, try to take it with a grain of salt. Then go home and treat yourself or vent to loved ones. If it continues, plot your escape route to a job that doesn't regulaly make you miserable.

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fettywap (May 31, 2018 - 12:27 pm)

I just ignore him. If I have to talk to him, I try to send him a message through the computer.

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superttthero (May 31, 2018 - 12:41 pm)

"Mean" comments?

If you screwed up or don't know something you should have known, getting called out on it is important for your professional growth.

If he/she is attacking you for other reasons or being abusive for minute things, tell yourself that this is only until you can find another job, and look for one as soon as you are able to.

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wutwutwut (May 31, 2018 - 3:28 pm)

Like superT said, if you're getting called out on screw-ups, just take it as part of the learning.

But still, it'd be better if the boss didn't deliver even honest critiques in mean fashion. I had a boss that was very blunt and sometimes to the point of being mean; I started letting myself get visibly angry with him and we got into a (private) shouting match and he started moderating his behavior after that.

If your boss is female, maybe something like that would work. If male, is there any indication that he's acting in a sexist manner? If so, you could hint that at him and it might make him moderate his behavior, too.

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isthisit (May 31, 2018 - 4:12 pm)

If you messed up, take your L and get better.

If it's just gratuitous and without any educational value than take your L.

I'm not saying it's right but you're an employee. Complain about the boss at your own risk.

However, keep a journal and document it. You can eventually speak to your boss or your boss's boss but you still run the risk of being fired or forced out. At least you'll have proof and maybe some legal standing for a lawsuit. The better option is to move on to another job.

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legalbeagle (Jun 4, 2018 - 1:34 pm)

i didn't mess up...I was just discussing something with the partner and they were being very short, looking at me like I was wasting their time (never does that usually). They are known for being cranky and taking it out on others. or sometimes if there is something someone has done to them they won't bring it up to the person, they will just give them an attitude. I hate those mind games. if I did something to upset you just freakin tell me.

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thedarkscrivener (Jun 4, 2018 - 3:24 pm)

The fact that you consider it a reasonable possibility they're mad because you took a vacation day is a red flag. Start looking for another job. Life's too short for that BS.

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