Celebrating 10 years! 2007-2017

Would you hire this guy?

Any thoughts on the cover letter? My bizarre deadbeat roomma dalocummelioribus11/19/18
So many things. Wow. So this can’t be real. But assumi notiers11/19/18
Oh trust me...it's very real (and unfortunately I'm living w dalocummelioribus11/19/18
Seems like he is depressed. He needs to forget about jobs l jeffm11/19/18
He won't ever pass the Bar...and he went to the bottom of th dalocummelioribus11/19/18
If it's true he would never pass the bar, then, he needs to jeffm11/19/18
A cover letter should be simple and to the point. It should wallypancake11/19/18
"Seems your buddy is totally clueless." Exactly. Back when h dalocummelioribus11/19/18
Terrible cover letter. On the flip side, I'd also question jd4hire11/19/18
It only takes a few seconds to copy paste it. The point of t dalocummelioribus11/19/18
The point here is that you are trying to validate your dista triplesix11/24/18
not a chance. I didn't read past the first paragraph - and dingbat11/19/18
Same here-- too verbose. Sounds like a weirdo, possibly bipo cranky11/20/18
No. But I think we all appreciate his careful word choice. midlaw11/19/18
Wouldn't hire someone touting their writing that wrote like superttthero11/19/18
I'm not in a position to interview anyone, but if I were, I' junkwired11/19/18
That person needs to find some kind of job that does not inv zuma11/20/18
I’ve read worse letters from public school teachers. Mayb shuiz11/20/18
Reading his writing gave me a slight headache. The sentence themapmaster11/20/18
Imagine living with it - it's even worse. Most of what he sa dalocummelioribus11/20/18
"Zealous" research? Whittier is an interesting animal. Th cacrimdefense11/21/18
What undergrad program? Is Whittier even an ABA school? shuiz11/20/18
Cover letter is an absolute fail. Sounds like a tool. He n hairypalms11/21/18

dalocummelioribus (Nov 19, 2018 - 10:53 am)

Any thoughts on the cover letter? My bizarre deadbeat roommate had sent me this a while back (when he was semi-normal)...but this guy is 31 and has never had a job lasting more than 1 year...all his resume says is "legal intern" for a couple of months. Am I being biased or is this cover letter truly a waste? Note: He has never published anything...let alone "publishable legal work".
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Dear Hiring Coordinator,

As a J.D. and Consultant, I address client’s legal problems. I provide competent representation through: communication, diligent and zealous research, safeguarding the client's finances and property, resolving or finding conflict of interest, evaluating and advising the client, and providing publishable legal work product and professional expert advice. With my writing and advice, I value and exemplify relevance, brevity, careful word choice, simplistic words, impactful words, and using cohesion to produce a writing style which speaks volumes. This voice allows for the client’s interest to be heard concisely and succinctly without losing rights or opportunities.

I have extensive training and an education in Administrative law, Bankruptcies, intellectual property,
Business Associations, and federal litigation. I have experience in disability, Bankruptcy, employment, nonprofit, VA, and contract law.

As a jack-of-all-trade, I use my skills, experience, and education to elevate the legal standard. My goal is to give control back to people and the healthy lifestyles they choose to pursue. I believe communication is increasing important, so I place the highest priority to maintaining and repairing the gaps of communication between individuals, entities, and other concerned parties. If I can’t solve a client’s issues, I rely on my education and experiences, and provide an alternative solution or remedy. My goal is to be a zealous and competent advocate for clients who need answers,
clarity, and creative solutions. I draw from these experiences with the understanding the law can restore balance. However, preserving a client’s claim takes a highly effective/ efficient/ skilled team to set this standard. Character defines every thought, emotion, action, word, and work I produce. Integrity gives these works substance, and instills confidence for the people I Interact with on a day-to-day basis.

As a law clerk at this law firm, I would utilize the tools, experiences, and skills I have acquired, and personify the values required to set the highest standard- becoming an indispensable asset.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my application.
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notiers (Nov 19, 2018 - 10:59 am)

So many things. Wow.

So this can’t be real. But assuming it is real - do you have any insight (beyond obvious mental illness) as to why this person is not licensed?

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dalocummelioribus (Nov 19, 2018 - 11:14 am)

Oh trust me...it's very real (and unfortunately I'm living with him) until eviction. He claims to have taken the bar exam once and he had planned on taking now the NY bar in February (so he says)...but mind you this guy has NO job, spends his whole day doing who knows what...he basically stays all day inside his room and only goes out to get a bite to eat...he did tell me a while back he had ADHD...but I think this goes beyond that.

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jeffm (Nov 19, 2018 - 11:19 am)

Seems like he is depressed. He needs to forget about jobs like these and take and pass the bar exam. He needs a law license.

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dalocummelioribus (Nov 19, 2018 - 11:23 am)

He won't ever pass the Bar...and he went to the bottom of the bottom of the law schools.

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jeffm (Nov 19, 2018 - 11:34 am)

If it's true he would never pass the bar, then, he needs to start acting like a legal assistant and not an aspiring attorney.

An attorney hiring a legal assistant wants someone to organize his work and do mundane tasks efficiently with minimal errors. Views might vary, but I think I would be concerned if I received a letter like that. This person is interested in taking over my cases and files. I'm not too keen on delegating work like that. This is probably because my work tends to involve customized solutions across a broad spectrum of practice areas.

In some practices, like fender-bender mills and SS disability, extensive involvement by the assistant with clients is probably useful and welcome.

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wallypancake (Nov 19, 2018 - 11:48 am)

A cover letter should be simple and to the point. It should address a specific position and then the writer should describe how his/her skills make them a good candidate for the position. It should have a short introductory paragraph, a slightly longer body that matches skills to the position, and a short, closing paragraph. This cover letter is too dense and does not get to the point.

Also, being a "jack of all trades" in a specialized industry is not a virtue. Employers want someone with a strong focus in one area who may have had exposure to other areas. This guy goes in the other direction.

"Publishable legal work" means what? When publishing, you do not submit a motion that you would submit to a family law job; you submit a piece of academic writing. Such writing can express a thought or series of thoughts that provide a unique approach on a more theoretical level.

Seems your buddy is totally clueless.

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dalocummelioribus (Nov 19, 2018 - 11:51 am)

"Seems your buddy is totally clueless." Exactly. Back when he was at least decent toward me I gave him tons of advice because he actually would read his letters to me...but then he'd go to an interview and come back all depressed at how "mean" people are in interviews.

I give up! For some reason he also thought (and told me with a straight face) that he would only accept a position paying him at least 6 figures a year plus housing. HA HA HA...in NYC! I thought he was joking with me at first...but no, he was very serious.

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jd4hire (Nov 19, 2018 - 12:40 pm)

Terrible cover letter. On the flip side, I'd also question who has time to take their roommates cover letter, copy and paste (or type it out) in JD Underground just to get feedback on how terrible your roommates cover letter is. So what. Evict him and move on.

I don't understand the point of the post?

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dalocummelioribus (Nov 19, 2018 - 12:51 pm)

It only takes a few seconds to copy paste it. The point of the post is to ask if anyone would hire this person, because perhaps I'm missing something in my dislike of him that makes me overlook anything of quality he might offer (professionally) since I never really thought he could.

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triplesix (Nov 24, 2018 - 9:49 pm)

The point here is that you are trying to validate your distaste for the loser.

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dingbat (Nov 19, 2018 - 1:34 pm)

not a chance. I didn't read past the first paragraph - and nobody in their right mind would.

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cranky (Nov 20, 2018 - 8:43 am)

Same here-- too verbose. Sounds like a weirdo, possibly bipolar.

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midlaw (Nov 19, 2018 - 3:23 pm)

No. But I think we all appreciate his careful word choice.

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superttthero (Nov 19, 2018 - 3:40 pm)

Wouldn't hire someone touting their writing that wrote like that.

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junkwired (Nov 19, 2018 - 4:31 pm)

I'm not in a position to interview anyone, but if I were, I'd want to interview him out of morbid curiosity.

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zuma (Nov 20, 2018 - 1:26 am)

That person needs to find some kind of job that does not involve writing, that's for sure.

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shuiz (Nov 20, 2018 - 5:12 am)

I’ve read worse letters from public school teachers. Maybe he should try that.

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themapmaster (Nov 20, 2018 - 9:46 pm)

Reading his writing gave me a slight headache. The sentences don’t flow at all and most sentences seem to be completely unrelated to the immediately preceding and succeeding sentences.

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dalocummelioribus (Nov 20, 2018 - 9:52 pm)

Imagine living with it - it's even worse. Most of what he says is like that in person too. I knew Whittier Law was at the bottom, but I still have a hard time believing how he made it through and got a JD.

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cacrimdefense (Nov 21, 2018 - 4:52 pm)

"Zealous" research?

Whittier is an interesting animal. There's a Whittier Law guy, whose opinions and observations I highly value, who is employed in an office that throws me lots of work. This guy's in his late sixties. Another Whittier alumnus (considerably younger, and an L.A. Deputy District Attorney) gave me all I could handle a couple months ago in a felony sex crime trial. Smart operator, a pretty talented courtroom lawyer.

Then again, I've bumped into other practitioners who list that school on their resumes who couldn't singe bread into toast if the energy from their brains could be converted into heat.

Whittier Law cranks out a diverse mix in terms of intelligence and ability.

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shuiz (Nov 20, 2018 - 10:29 pm)

What undergrad program?

Is Whittier even an ABA school?

ETA: A quick internet search says Whittier was in fact an ABA accredited school. But it recently announced it is closing.

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hairypalms (Nov 21, 2018 - 6:45 am)

Cover letter is an absolute fail. Sounds like a tool. He needs help in drafting a professional cover letter that will not turn employers off. Keep it simple. Say, I'm interested in xx job. I have yy skills. I wold welcome an interview. Cover letter indicates guy is a nut job.

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